Stumbled Upon


Is it any reason why I love my readers?

I wanted to let you know that I stumbled upon your blog a few days ago and have become a bit obsessed with it (in a good way).  I know you hear this a lot but I will say it one more time.  As I read through your blog (starting from the beginning) I could not believe how similar we are.  I mean from your background and childhood, family, struggles with this, guys you like, sex you like....I felt like I could have written it.  I am also in my mid forties - obsessed with working out, eating right etc.  Just on and on.  Well I know you hear this a lot.

I did want to say that your blog has helped me to feel more comfortable with who I am.  Like you - I have struggled with this most of my life and mainly felt ashamed and guilt about it.  Your blog has helped me to feel better about it.  I guess knowing I am not alone in this is a big thing.  My family and commitment I made to them is the most important thing in my life and not something I would ever give up.  Though I know from experience that these feelings and attractions will not go away.  I am not sure that I would really want them to.  I think this struggle is part of the "price" I need to pay for the life I have.  Sort of my cross to bear. 

Two things different about our experiences:
1. I have never really been in love with another guy.  Your relationship with Ross felt more like a love story than just sex.  I think I long for this but up to now my relationships with men have been mainly sex.  Physical connections.  Sometimes deep connections but not love.  I liked reading about your relationship with Ross.  Even though it did not work out long term - it still sounds like it was worth it. 

2. I am also not completely into anal - but bottoming can be great under the right circumstances with the right guy.  Don't rule it out.  Try it again some time.  I have had a few good experiences with it.  Yes - with young hot guys who want it (motivation enough sometimes).

Well, I am not totally sure why I am writing this.  I just felt like I needed to after reading your blog.  I guess to say that there are a lot of guys like us out in the world so keep up the blog dude!  I am interested in hearing about your struggle as I go through mine.  I justify my life because I think overall I am a good guy.  Good dad, good husband, good provider and good citizen of the world.  I don't think our attraction to men makes us bad.  I felt bad about it for a long time and it ended up making me bitter and more removed from my "real" life.  I think if we can accept this for what it is we will be better off.  I know easy to say and hard to do.


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