99 Problems


Every relationship has them. It's the ups and downs.

Sometimes the ups don't outweigh the downs. I've previously blogged about how most of my friends are going through a rough patch. Maybe its the 20 year itch, maybe its the 40 year old midlife crisis. I've had people talk to me..I can count almost 10 couples, who are either divorced, getting divorced, considering divorce or just plain unhappy. I doubt any of them have the big red flag herring issue that I have - that issue that has never come up between my wife and I. Yet, they are all in the same spot as me.

So, I know it's not just me. My relationship has problems, but, the family unit is pretty good. Usually, I feel like, for the most part, I'm in a better situation than most. Everyday issues are at a minimum. But there are some that crop up, and from time to time, there are some extended problems. This past few weeks, has been one of those weeks.

So, I decided to try and hash things out here...and list the typical "hot points" in my marriage. They probably are the same issues that cause problems in every marriage. For the next few days or so, I'll talk about each of them. But briefly, here they are:

1. Money
2. Health/fitness
3. Kids
4. Sex

Lots of the issues cross the line from one to another..money issue that involves the kids..etc.

So, what was the problem this time? I'll categorize it under Kids, but it really is minutia.  Sometimes the stupid things you say or do that gets under your skin and bothers one of you. This time, it was during a snow storm. I objected to us driving the kids around to their friends when an impending storm was coming. I didn't want for either of us to be out driving in that weather.

It also has to do with my wife's insistence on pleasing my kids..being their best friend, their agent, at times. Although we have similar child-rearing ideas, I'm usually the strong father figure. I believe in being strong, strict, however you want to label it.  For the most part, I don't care what "other kids" are doing, I want to do what I feel is right for my kids. School work is first.  If you don't complete that, and complete it successfully, doing well in school, then all that fun stuff ain't gonna happen. My kids have thrived in that atmosphere and they have more than I ever had growing up.

It got to the point where, the "Agent" was pushing my child's case, and I said something like:

"Well, what does he care if you go pick him up, get into a car accident and I have to pay for the repairs?"
To wit, I got: "is that all you care about is how much it's going to cost you?" (she clearly didn't understand that although I mentioned the cost of repairs, that it wasn't about the cost..it was about the danger).
"Get out of my face, I don't want to see you, talk to you." I said.

I got the silent treatment..maybe 3 or 4 days. To me? I was fine. Silence? That's almost a vacation to me sometimes.  Then, my wife asked if I was upset that we weren't talking. We rehashed the whole argument, without resolution. She mentioned that maybe we need therapy. I agreed.

You see, I'm no different after all. No different than any of the 10 couples who are having problems at home. I think my issues are resolvable..well, at least the one's I've listed.

Tomorrow: Money

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