A Heavy Heart

Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's been going on for years. One of my best friends, family friends, one of the group has decided to get separated.

I went out with him about a month ago. They were trying, yet again, to get things on track, but I could tell, he had resigned to the fact that he wasn't sticking it out anymore. He has two children, one relatively young, the other, in high school. This guy has always been a family man, a great father, kids first. I told him how we all have issues, all have marital problems, but, it's kids first. Once you have kids, you can't be selfish and leave, because you have obligations to them.  His response was, "At some point, you have to be happy, you have to do something for yourself to be happy."

I can see his point. I look at his wife. She's not great looking, she's clearly out of shape and getting more so as the days pass. She's kinda nutty at times. But, his kids are great.  I knew that night that he wasn't long for this.  He didn't take my advice to just stay for the kids.

I heard what happened when they told their kids. They were crushed. Kids were crying, just sad and that hit me hard.

Even though I new it was coming, when I found out they were finally separating, I felt not only bad, but sad too - it's like when someone you know dies - and it is the death of a marriage - and I've been thinking about it so much, that I've even had a dream about it, how he was moving out and everyone was so sad. Often, when I'm full of emotions, I have dreams that reflect that.  It makes me wake up and live that next day with a heavy heart.

I spoke to him briefly today. I kinda dreaded the call, but, this guy has helped me through business issues, we've spent holidays together, I felt it would be odd for me to allow this day pass without a call from me.  I told him I'm here for him, that I'm still his friend, and if he needs me for anything, any help or if he just wanted to talk, that I was there for him.  He appreciated the call, and I could hear in his voice that he was still dealing with the pain of this and the troubles it's causing his kids.  "My kids are #1 with me" he says.

Maybe he says that...but, absent abuse, drugs or lunacy - if you're getting separated, then maybe the kids are coming second.