So, by now hopefully, you've read the letter sent to me recently from the son of a man who apparently is bisexual. The son discovered the father's secret while searching on his computer and saw he was reading Bi Like Me. Some people doubt the letter. But, I don't really think the importance of the letter is the veracity of the story or its authenticity. It does, of course, bring up lots of issues for us who are hiding this secret..the possibilities of discovery and the relationships between fathers and their children and families.
Here is the response I had sent to the letter:
Dear XX:
I don't know what to say. Initially I thought I'd love to put this letter on my blog but I can see how that may not work for you. I also thought about my own family and kids and what would happen if they knew all about my blog and the "tawdry" "meaningless" sex I've had.
I hope that they are smart enough to realize that it isn't really about the sex ...it's about what's inside me..it's what is in my chromosomes...the sex is a connection that I can't avoid and an addiction to this connection that torments me at night.
I hope they can see past the sex that I write about in my blog and understand that it does hurt to be deceitful - that my love for them and our family isn't diminished by my personal dilemma. Its a personal struggle that has gone on inside me for..forever. Their love is what keeps me from ending the struggle tragically...it keeps me sane..it's what I live for. The personal struggle is not against them..its also not because of them.
Of course, I'm sure there's anger, resentment and outright repulsion. But if your father is anything like me he isn't happy with the decisions he has made or the life he is leading. What he wants is your happiness and stability. What he has sacrificed for that stability is his own happiness.
I have spoken to other bi guys..guys who are unattached..not married. I've told them that the way I live my life is not the way I would suggest they live their lives. They should decide who they want to love before getting married - that living a lie doesn't benefit anyone. But for me, I know what my true love is..and that's my kids..and their stable upbringing is paramount.
What to do about your father? I don't know..that would depend on how old you are..how old your siblings are. He is attempting something (keeping the family together) that has value. But that now has to be weighed against the knowledge and change in relationship you now have.
Just know one thing: he loves you
If you need anything..feel free to write.
-BLM
Next week the writer's response..and more!
