I'm trying to keep things in check, but it's been coming on for days. Guess it could be the whole birthday thing, maybe mixed in with the Ross thing..or that I have no guy prospects right now.

I'm spiraling downward..down to the dark place, again.  I'm trying to keep busy, but, being happy is just not in the cards.

I'm thinking maybe..finally..therapy may be in order. But, where to start? How to find someone..someone reasonably priced (or free) who I can feel comfortable with, confide in. I mean, when I tell someone that I've been cheating on my wife, with guys..isn't the ultimate destination going to be to express those feelings to my wife? To make a decision? Isn't that where it will ultimately head? I don't want that.

But, meeting with someone, who I cannot tell this part of me, seems fruitless. I can picture myself saying:

"I'm sad, depressed, unhappy all the time. Don't find happiness in anything."
Then his response: "Why?"
"Well.. I can't tell you why..it's a secret."

That simply won't work.

I'd love to find someone to spill my guts to..unfortunately..right now, I'm being literal.

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