Separate but Equal


My friends separation and impending divorce weighs on my mind, so here I am writing about it again. We see both sides, the husband and wife separately. Our kids are all still friends, so they see each other too. I speak to the guy, we do lunch, and he tells me about his sad existence.

Yes, it's sad. He tells me about going from hotel to hotel to find a place to stay that night. How he's living out of a suitcase. How he has "movie nights" where he goes to the movies to break up his boring weekends - alone. It's all a very sad existence to me.  It is temporary, until he finds his own place and sets things up a little more permanently.

We see her and she's understandably stressed, dealing with the kids on her own, shuttling them back and forth to activities, dealing with school commitments, while taking care of the house, meals, shopping, etc.  Neither have it easy, and I'm not envious. They both have good and bad days, but in any case, she seems much more bitter about things. It may be the best thing that could have happened, but for now, neither one seems better off.

When I speak to them see them, or hear them talk, I can only be thankful that my marriage, albeit with it's many issues, both known and hidden, is better. I see them, and I don't want to go there. I see their kids, know that they're hurting, and I don't want that hurt for mine. I see the hate, venom in their speak, and I don't have that violence in my heart for my wife. I see their lives and say, "but for the grace of god go I."

In some strange way, their pain has brought my wife and I closer and our marriage stronger.


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