Reader Letter


Another reader asks for advice:

i stumbled across your blog by accident, and since then ive read some of your posts. i find theyre very thought-provoking, and while my situation isnt exactly like yours, im happy that i found this blog. theres no one i can turn to about my bi-ness, but at least now through you i can learn a few lessons on what and what not to do.

i dont agree 100% with what your doing. i personally think you wont be able to hide 'it' forever and eventually its going to come back and bite. but thats your personal decision. you have your views, i have mine.
I have a question. 

im a 15 year old male. (did you know you have readers that young?) my name is XXXXXXX
as a kid in high school i may look normal, but underneath im a huge mess of emotions and tangled thoughts. The fact that i notice both hot girls and guys doesnt really concern me; ive already accepted thats who i am. what i am concerned about however is my future. i think i can assume that you have regrets, guilts, and things you would have done differently. do you have any suggestions so that i dont screw up my future relationships/life?

i actually already took a half of a first step out of the closet. i already told my parents that im bi. that was probably the second hardest thing i have done in my life (1st was enduring 3 years of relentless bullying, 3rd to telling a girl i liked her). they were stunned, then didnt believe it and said that i was too young to truly know that. i said sure but i know deep inside that this is what i am. i have to say though that my parents are so amazing; they didnt freak out and pour holy water over my head and tell me to pray or anything like that. they said that if it was true, then they would be happy for me no matter who i end up with. im glad they at least half understand.

besides them however, no one else knows. (oh wait thats not true anymore is it?) i find that at this age it isnt affecting me much because instead of lustful thoughts i concentrate on video games, school, normal teen stuff. But i do think about it from time to time. Like i mentioned earlier, ive had a crush on a girl before, i havent had a crush on a guy before, but im still not sure of what im looking for. they both appeal to me in a weird, twisted way. my fantasies are all over the place; sometimes girly where i would just want to cuddle, but sometimes more dominant and aggressive like having sex. after reading some psychology articles however, i think this is normal for someone like me. but anyway that was just a little background on me.

i know your busy, so thanks for taking the time to read this. 

I've received letters like yours in the past..and I'll give you the same advice I gave them:

You're young..very young..almost too young to be concerned with making decisions on how you are going to live the rest of your life -sexually. Take the time..don't jump into anything so quickly. Date, make friends. You will see over time what you are into. I suppose some have made this decision as young as 15, but for others, it takes much longer. It's great that you have the support of your parents, but I agree with them..use the time you have to your advantage.

As far as screwing up your future relationships I think being honest is best. Once you date one person (girl or guy) be committed to that relationship. Put your all into it. Be faithful. When that relationship doesn't work for you, then you will move on, and find another. 

Once you've had exclusive relationships, some with men, some with women, I think the picture will become clearer. It's what I didn't have growing up. I never experienced a relationship with a man, and now, I'm stuck doing so secretly.

It's like riding a bike: Practice makes perfect.


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