Here's the Plan

God, I'm almost through responding or even listening to these guys. The guys I'm talking about are the mostly anonymous commenters..the righteous, closed minded, annoying and opinionated couple of readers of this blog that have been inundating me with abusive comments what they consider my "obligation" regarding my life and family.

"We know the answer. Then to post about her not aging well. I don't care if it's honest. It's just cruel and served no constructive purpose. He can give us that peek some other way. Some things I don't want to see. It's worse than kicking a puppy. Not cool."

They say my wife doesn't deserve "this", and of course, I have to agree. They say I'm being cruel, abusive and that eventually, my deceit will result in a terrible outcome for me and my family.  They want to know my "plan", and to give you guys..guys who I allow to read about my life, my inner thoughts, my feelings..and provide a timetable:

"But how much longer will it go on? I guess many of us are looking for you to make a move, to make some sort of decision. I am not trying to put you on a timetable. I am just trying to explain why people are getting frustrated. There is no movement in your dilemma - no movement in any direction. We'd like to help you through it, but you are not taking any steps in either direction toward anything. It is just one big wallow. Maybe it would be better if you'd just come out and say you are not looking for a solution. You are not looking to change, you want to keep things the way they are, and you just want to blog about your feelings, but are not going anywhere with them. Then we'd know what to expect from you, and that would be ok. It's the not-knowing that bugs us - weather or not you are going to decide something. Just tell us you are not ever going to change, and we'll be fine with that. The air would be clear."

I do have a response. I do want to clear the air. So here it goes:

This is my plan: I have no intention of leaving my kids in their formidable growing years. If, and that's a big if..if after my kids have grown, maybe at some point I can decide what to do..leave my wife, or not. That's the plan..basically, I have none. Selfish? Yes...destructive? Sure. Mean, obnoxious, rude, sad, dishonest...I know..I've heard it all, and it's nothing I haven't thought about myself. As I've said before, I am my worst critic.

How's that? Not good enough for you, I'm sure.  I'm sure I have to decide now...so you know what to "expect from me." Maybe I haven't made progress..but, I don't think that's your decision to make. I never started this blog and said it was my coming out story..look at the byline: it's "The life and times of a masculine, closeted, bisexual man." I never purported or advertised it to be a full disclosure to my family. Never said it was about me coming clean. Never wrote that I was going to be a changed man.

If you want to read about someone's coming out stories, there are plenty of blogs out there, or better yet, start your own insightful, revealing and honest blog for everyone to read and criticize.

I know I've done some good by writing here. It helps me, yes, but others have told me it helped them too. Maybe it will prevent someone from making the same mistakes I have made.  I'm nearly done with the bombardment of nasty criticism and demands. I can certainly ban anonymous comments or delete the comments I deem inappropriate. I've never felt a need to do that..but it could all be coming soon.

You don't like the way my life is developing, headed or addressed here? Then do me a favor: fuck off and don't read about it. You won't be missed.